I don’t want you to leave us yet. There is still so much more that we can do together. I love it when I can visit you and you always have that smile on your face. You tease me about school and where my boyfriend is. You scrape your food of your plate to mine because you know I have an endless pit of a stomach. You told me to stop growing up. I need to stay young and enjoy life because I can be an adult for the rest of my life. You teach me life lessons by telling me your own stories filled with memories, mistakes, and curiosity. Family Matters. Family First. Family Above All. You showed me that God will always be here for me like how you have.

But now, the clock is ticking. How much time do we have left together? Please don’t leave me yet. Please live forever. I know that it’s selfish to ask you to do so. But I’ll be praying for you. I know that you’re in so much pain. You’ve been hurting for awhile now. No one can bare seeing you in this condition. But I can’t grasp this at all. Without you, I’ll be lost. I’ll live on, but I can’t until I know you can rest in peace.

Never let your time be taken for granted. 

I love you, so please don’t leave yet.

So I just had another one of my brain blasts about the book, Orwell’s 1984, I had to read in English. I FINALLY understand it until now. Getting all the pieces together and found some really cool connections with one of my favorite movies, In Time. I feel like I’m on a roll with this. Now I just need to go to the store to get the materials I need to work on my project with the help of my boyfriend. Yeaaaaah. I’m a roll. Makes me want a sushi roll. Haha.

Yes I’m lame. It’s sad. I rarely have my super nerd girl moments lately. But I don’t really care. I’m getting an A and that’s all that matters to me.

Today was Michael’s and my first Friday the thirteenth together. We were supposed to be starting this tradition whenever it’s Friday the thirteenth to watch scary movies. But all we did was watch the Muppets movie, Valentine’s Day, and It’s a Funny Story.

I’m into scary movies. I love the adrenaline rushing through me. But maybe when it’s months later, I will finally be scared. I don’t know. I think I might sleep with a night light again or be a “hipster” by hanging up Christmas lights when it’s not the holidays anymore.

But I’m glad that we didn’t have that scary movie marathon today. I would have been a little too scared to drive home all alone. So instead all we did was chill, eat, watch movies, talk, and sleep for a bit. That’s all I wanted to do with him anyways. :3

I am desperately in need to listen to some good music with an actual good book in my hands. There are drums pounding on my chest. The vibrations of each beat is detected by the ear and transduced into nerve impulses that are perceived to the sensitivity to my heart beat, to set back into a more steady pace.

Ba bump. Ba bump. Ba bump.

Music can set the mood. But the texts and pages will take me away from here. Here where everything is so difficult and confusing. I just want to escape. A book can simply grant my wish. To transfer me someplace else. Anywhere but here. I can imagine that someone, fiction or non-fiction, is actually experiencing a completely yet similar situation as I. My mind wanders off. The words become reality. I can hear people’s voices in my head as I read their dialogue. Picturing every single detail from cover to cover. Even if it’s just a short period time, even if I have to return back to my “reality,” I would like to escape here and relax.

Yeah. I would gladly appreciate to do that right now.

It’s the second day of the new year, but it doesn’t feel like it’s anything different than it was two days ago. I still feel like I am the same me. The saying “A new year, a new start, a new me” does not mean nothing to me. I am the same person I was before. Just more broken yet even stronger.

Like everyone else, I’ve been through so much. I guess you can say that last year has impacted me the most. I lost so much. Yet gained much more to balance it out. I pushed everyone away because I didn’t want anyone to help me. I was hard headed. I let pride take over me. But reality slapped me in the face.

So many unexpected turns, unstoppable tears that ran down my face, losing everything I held dear to for so many years. I’m a little older now. A little wiser than yesterday. My past still haunts me sometimes. But I won’t let it hurt me anymore. I would rather continue to live my life how I want it to be with those who stick with me 100%. If people leave, I won’t stop them. It’s their choice to. I am not letting anyone pull me back. Tell me what or how to live my life. No more of that anymore. I’ll be the better person and turn the other cheek if I have to.

Now that I know who and what is important to me, I’ll always have a reason to continue fighting and keep moving forward. I’m not going to sit on the sidelines and just watch everything pass me by without doing anything about it. I’ll keep my word that I gave to others as long as possible. I’m not sure how it things will work out, but I’ll figure it out.

I’m just thankful and blessed to wake up to a new day. With all of the support and love I am given from my significant other, close friends, and family. I’ll live on, no matter what year it may be.

This year… Instead of becoming a “new” me, I’ll become the BETTER me.

I’m going to cut in a bit. I’m probably going to regret it. Should I get bangs? Don’t know for sure yet since my boyfriend may or may not like it. Since last year, my bags looked like a little jagged. Ahaha. I’m going to try not to send him any pics of it because I want it to be a surprise when I see him tomorrow :3

Still debating. To get bangs or just cut my hair? Help?

I would like to upgrade my phone now please. I can’t hear my ring tones sometimes, even if it on full blast. The vibrator on my phone is broken. I can’t tell if I am receiving a phone call or not. My stuff is randomly deleted. But at the same time… This phone has a lot of memories for me. But a phone is a phone. I don’t need material possessions to remember something that happened in my life. That’s what a brain is for. Duh. Oh well.

Good things happen to those who wait patiently.

• Less time on Tumblr, more time on homework.
• Quit procrastinating.
• Get the out more. Enjoy as much time as you have before everyone leaves
• As much as it hurts to think about school, get your head in the game and stop messing up. Work hard and keep going… It will be worth it in the end. And plus, your family will never be proud of you if you don’t stop slacking. Couple more months and you will have that diploma you’ve worked 14 years for.
• Spend more time with your family. Unlike your friends, they will always stick with you thick and thin (unless they’re your homies)
• Say what you need to say, do what you have to do. All before you let it drag and linger than it’s supposed to be.
• Stop pressing that snooze button. You don’t want to be late to school again, do you?
• Stop spending $$$ on clothes and food. Save that nonsense for Christmas presents.
• Redecorate your room. New year and new fresh start. And your room is the first and perfect place to start!
• Start taking pictures again. Don’t you want to remember your moments you’re making now?
• Get your lazy butt up and get back to exercise and dancing again
• Keep your room clean, everyone in the house is much nicer to you when it is.
• Try not to curse when you’re speaking to people.
• Stop flaking on people when they ask to hang out!
• Be more organized, my goodness.
• Do and Be You. Let them be them.
• Actually do everything above ^  

Just finished cleaning every room of the house except my own room. Showered. Cooked part of Thanksgiving dinner I’m going to have with my family later. I need to get ready, clean my room, and prepare the table before the rest of my relatives and the Domingo’s to come over.

I’m starving right now. I’m saving room for traditional Thanksgiving lunch with my mom’s side and then whatever is left over at my dad’s side. I hope I have enough rest for tomorrow because I want to go shopping. Too bad I went shopping yesterday so my wallet is practically empty right now.

On a side note: I can’t find my eyeliner. I might just go to the store just to buy some. Hehehe.

I seriously NEED to get my eye brows done. Pronto.

I’ve had my iPhone for almost a year now, yet I barely have any apps or music installed in it. I guess I actually use it more as a “phone” than everyone else does.

I left school early and now I’m waiting here to go in for my doctor’s appointment for my ear infection. I have not been able to hear anything in my right ear for almost a week and it hurts to sneeze, cough, or even talk because I feel like something is screeching or stuck in there. Bleh. My boyfriend is across the street, watching over his grandma as he does his homework at the hospital. I hope I can visit him later to cheer him up. I’m still tired because I woke up really early and have not had a cat nap like I always have during the day. I guess today isn’t those days.

Ugh, I really don’t like Monday’s.

So I fell asleep on my bed. I felt super tired although I’ve been sleeping 3/4 of the day. I fell asleep waiting for Michael to call me. And it felt so nice to sleep under my covers, all cozy and what not. Then the thing I know, I wake up because my mom wanted to see if I was asleep or not. -_______- Well NOW I’m not asleep anymore. Thanks Mom.

I’m too tired. But so much to do before I can rest. Bleh. I just want it to be after school tomorrow so I can spend my second monthaversary with my boyfriend. Hopefully he passes his driving test tomorrow, which he will :) I just want it to be the weekend so I can get my SAT’s over with and go to my Hula Festival. I’ve been waiting for this weekend all year since May Day. This has been a very stressful, emotional, and tiring week. I think I deserve a good weekend for once.

I’m getting my pumpkin tomorrow with my family, my cousins, and boyfriend tomorrow. I’m brainstorming what I should carve my pumpkin as this year. I want to get a white pumpkin and make it look like Pokemon’s Togepi or Nightmare Before Christmas’ Zero.

Hmm… Decisions, decisions.